Doug's Memories of Aunt Jean

From the Eulogy at "Light of Christ" Catholic Parish Church in Clearwater, Florida on August 7, 2010:

Good Morning, I'm Doug, the younger of Jean's nephews.  You'll hear from my older,

handsomer brother in a moment. 

"Jean & Russ" in quotes;  that is how Jean signed every greeting card and letter.  For more than 63 years, they were a unit; they were a wonderful example of married life in a modern culture that seems to have difficulty knowing the meaning or significance of this estate created by Christ Himself.

"Jean & Russ" knew and with every use of the quotation mark, they said this by their own -- and let me add nonjudgmental -- witness, for the Dillbergs were very careful not to judge their neighbor even as their love and life could not help but be a measure of the success of others.

"Jean & Russ" were planners.   They applied intelligence and study to the cautious steps they would take together.  That is how they built their two marital homes, first in Chicago on Natoma, as Russ worked for the Chicago Board of Education, and then, on Whitman here in Clearwater where "Jean & Russ" made their escape from the cold wintry Chicago -- which Russ humorously illustrated by sometimes driving with his windows up even in the other of Chicago's extremes: the sweltering heat of summer.

Humor, good humor, was a definite part of how "Jean & Russ" would discipline each other in charity during their marriage.  Jean would loudly single clap her hands and say with a dash of forgiveness already pre-mixed into the start of the noise, "Russell!" as Jean would remind him of some household oversight -- from the light on in the basement to failing to put the key back on the hook.  Russ had his own reposite, usually when Jean might pretend to ignore his admonition and Russ would say -- anticipating the hearing aids they would later come to wear -- "turn it up, Jean!"

All as I say done without serious recrimination.  "Jean & Russ" were truly wonderful second parents to Warren and myself.  Warren has elsewhere recounted the magical holiday moments we would spend in our childhood with the Dillbergs, and so we would often wonder why were "Jean & Russ" not parents themselves.

Given their care in planning everything, one explanation is that in "Warren & Doug" perfection had already been achieved.  Of course, the alternative explanation is perhaps more plausible; they saw us, and concluded "none of that please."

Seriously, whatever the explanation, there are some things in a marriage, in life, that defy even and intelligent, maybe especially an intelligent, couple's planning.  "Jean & Russ' were of different Christian traditions, for example, with Russ sincerely committed to his Baptist faith and Jean, of course, raised in the Roman Catholic tradition we observe in the Mass here today.  To be of different faith traditions poses a challenge  for many couples in love, and our faith practice, has always insisted on favoring in the education of children "the one true Catholic and apostolic faith."   Perhaps this teaching, perhaps never being blessed with the physical potential, perhaps something else, too impolite to ever inquire kept "Jean & Russ" from children of their own, but whatever the cause or explanation, we were the clear beneficiaries of this extraordinary double gift of parental love.

Russ would precede Jean in his return home; passing into the next life in 2002.  None of us know that moment, but I am certain "Jean & Russ" in the separate, but scripturally identical, assurance of eternal life bought for us by the grace of Christ's life, death and resurrection, most certainly planned to reunite in that beautiful heavenly home, and today, that planning is lovingly fulfilled in the sight of God.

-- Ambassador Douglas W. Kmiec

as delivered 7 August 2010 in Clearwater in a funeral Mass presided over by Reverend Frans Berkhout, M.Div. M.Ed., who he disclosed was Maltese in origin -- his Dutch, and one-time Calvinist, sailor of a father having made port in Valletta would marry a Catholic Maltese girl, and perhaps in application of the Church teaching aluded to above, converted to the Catholic faith  -- the divident being Father Berkhout's own birth and vocation for "the one true Catholic and apostolic faith."  

Now, who says, God is not a planner!

In the photo above, Jean and Doug enjoyed a light moment  during a recent visit to Emeritus at Summerville
which Jean loved for the friendship,
the afternoon sun in  her window, and of course, the bingo.  Jean
never stopped loving Russ and missed him every day; they
were the center of each other's lives in life and death.
Surely God will notice and smile upon such everlasting marital love.